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By OK Tease Co.
# The Moment You Stop Defending Your Choices Somewhere between your twenties and now, you got really good at explaining yourself. Why you left that job....
Somewhere between your twenties and now, you got really good at explaining yourself. Why you left that job. Why you're raising your kids that way. Why you said no. Why you said yes. Why you're tired. Why you're not tired enough to slow down.
You've crafted explanations so smooth they could slide right past anyone's judgment. And here's what nobody told you: that skill? It's exhausting you.
Strong women don't owe explanations. They just owe themselves the truth.
Think about the last time you said no to something. Did you stop there, or did you immediately launch into a reason? "No, I can't make it—I have this thing, and also my kid has practice, and honestly I've been so swamped at work, and you know how it is..."
That's not a response. That's a defense case.
Women learn early that a simple "no" feels incomplete. Rude, even. So we pad it with context, soften it with backstory, make sure the other person understands we're not being difficult—we just have reasons.
But when you explain yourself constantly, you're quietly communicating something you don't actually believe: that your decisions need outside approval to be valid.
They don't.
Your "no" is complete. Your "yes" is complete. Your choices about your career, your body, your relationships, your Saturday morning—they're complete without a paragraph of justification attached.
Every explanation you didn't need to give? That was energy. Mental bandwidth. A little piece of your authority handed over to someone who didn't ask for it and probably didn't need it.
When you over-explain, you:
Invite debate. The more reasons you give, the more openings someone has to argue with one of them. "But you could bring the kids!" "But it's just one hour!" You gave them ammunition.
Signal uncertainty. People who are confident in their choices state them. People who are unsure defend them. Even when you ARE certain, all that explaining can make you look—and feel—like you're seeking permission.
Exhaust yourself for nothing. Most people accept your first answer. The detailed explanation? That's for you, not them. And it's costing you.
Shrink your own authority. Every time you justify a decision, you're practicing the belief that your judgment alone isn't enough. Do that enough times and you start believing it.
This isn't about being cold or withholding. Strong women aren't silent—they're intentional.
There's a real difference between sharing context because it's useful and defending yourself because you're afraid of judgment.
Useful context: "I'm not available Friday—I'm taking a mental health day and protecting that time."
Defending: "I can't do Friday, I know it's bad timing but I've just been so overwhelmed lately and I really need a day, I hope that's okay, I feel terrible about it."
The first one is information. The second one is an apology disguised as an explanation.
Strong women share what's helpful. They don't perform justification for other people's comfort.
Breaking this habit takes practice because it's wired in deep. Start noticing:
The trailing explanation. You've already answered the question, but you keep talking. Stop yourself mid-sentence if you have to. Silence isn't awkward—it's confident.
The preemptive defense. You're explaining before anyone even asks. Nobody questioned your choice; you just assumed they would. That's your own discomfort projecting outward.
The apology opener. "Sorry, but..." before stating something that needs no apology. Cut the sorry. State the thing.
The softening add-ons. "Does that make sense?" "I hope that's okay." "Let me know if that works." Sometimes these are fine. Often they're just verbal cushioning because you're nervous about standing in your statement.
You don't have to be perfect at this overnight. Just start noticing. Awareness is the first crack in the habit.
When you drop the constant justification, something interesting happens: you have more energy. More mental space. More capacity to actually think about what YOU want instead of how to package it for everyone else.
You also start attracting different responses. People who respect boundaries. People who don't need you to convince them you're worthy. People who take you at your word because you take yourself at your word.
And you start trusting your own judgment more. Every time you state a choice without defending it, you're practicing belief in yourself. Small reps. Big change over time.
What you wear, what you say, how you carry yourself—it all communicates something. When you stop over-explaining, you send a clear message: I know who I am. I trust my decisions. I don't need your approval to move forward.
That's not arrogance. That's groundedness.
Strong women don't need to be loud about their strength. They don't need to prove anything. They just... are. They show up, make choices, and keep moving without leaving a trail of explanations behind them.
This winter, as you're navigating whatever season you're in—rebuilding, growing, starting over, standing still—practice this one thing: say less. Explain less. Trust yourself more.
Your choices don't need a defense attorney. They just need you to stand behind them.